Are important problems or concerns you have to face taking a back seat to the imaginary or exaggerated problems of a loved one?
Are you trying to cover up the abnormal behavior of a loved one?
Do you frequently find yourself trying to bring a family member or significant other back down to earth?
Have you ever wondered how bad it would get if a real crisis ever did strike?
Do you find yourself giving up things that you need just to placate a family member?
Are healthy relationships and activities you enjoy perceived as a distraction from your assigned role - managing the all-important concerns of a family member?
Are you trying to fill the black hole of someone else’s emotional need?
Do you find yourself hiding your needs from a family member or loved one?
Are you unable to discuss your concerns, fears, goals and dreams because to do so would only create conflict in the relationship?
Do you fear picking up the phone when a loved-one or family member calls you?
Do you wear yourself out to meet the emotional needs of a family member, only to find that your efforts are in vain?
Are you chastised for caring for others?
Are you cut off from contact with other family members, friends, people you care about?
Are you afraid to take a night out with friends?
Do you find yourself letting healthy relationships die because of the competition it creates?
Does a loved one ever promise you how much better things would be if you would just take care of their needs, only to criticize you for letting them down when you try?
Do you suspect your loved one of making up problems just to draw attention to themselves?
Do you feel trapped? alone?
Do you feel as though nobody understands what you are dealing with?
If the answer to any of these questions is “yes” then it’s possible you may be in a relationship with someone who has Histrionic Personality Disorder - or HPD.
HPD is a serious condition that isolates those who surround the people who have the disorder. HPD is characterized by a tendency to draw an inappropriate amount of attention - whether good or bad - to oneself.
A mnemonic that is sometimes used to describe the criteria for histrionic personality disorder is “PRAISE ME”:
P - provocative (or seductive) behavior
R - relationships, considered more intimate than they are
A - attention, must be at center of
I - influenced easily
S - speech (style) - wants to impress, lacks detail
E - emotional liability, shallowness
M - make-up - physical appearance used to draw attention to self
E - exaggerated emotions - theatrical
HPD Characteristics & Traits
Acting Out - Acting Out behavior refers to a subset of personality disorder traits that are more outwardly-destructive than self-destructive.
"Always" & "Never" Statements - "Always" & "Never" Statements are declarations containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true.
Anger - People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.
Baiting and Picking Fights - Baiting and Picking Fights is the practice of generating a provocative action or statement for the purpose of obtaining an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another person.
Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - Belittling, condescending & patronizing speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness.
Blaming - Blaming is the practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.
Bullying - Bullying is any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.
Bunny Boiling - Bunny Boiling is a reference to an iconic scene in the movie "Fatal Attraction" in which the main character Alex, who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, kills the family's pet rabbit and boils it on the stove. Bunny Boiling has become a popular reference to how people sometimes exhibit their rage by behaving destructively towards symbolic, important or treasured possessions or representations of those whom they wish to hurt, control or intimidate.
Catastrophizing - Catastrophizing is the habit of automatically assuming a "worst case scenario" and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.
Chaos Manufacture - Chaos Manufacture is the practice of unnecessarily creating or maintaining an environment of risk, destruction, confusion or mess.
Cheating - Cheating is sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.
Circular Conversations - Circular Conversations are arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no real resolution.
Compulsive Lying - Compulsive Lying is a term used to describe lying frequently out of habit, without much regard for the consequences to others and without having an obvious motive to lie. A compulsive liar is someone who habitually lies.
Denial - Denial is the practice of believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.
Depression - When you feel sadder than you think you should, for longer than you think you should - but still can't seem to break out of it - that's depression. People who suffer from personality disorders are often also diagnosed with depression resulting from mistreatment at the hands of others, low self-worth and the results of their own poor choices.
Domestic Theft -Domestic theft is consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.
Emotional Blackmail - Emotional Blackmail describes the use of a system of threats and punishments on a person by someone close to them in an attempt to control their behaviors.
Engulfment - Engulfment is an unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on a spouse, partner or family member, which comes from imagining or believing that one exists only within the context of that relationship.
Entitlement - Entitlement or a 'Sense of Entitlement' is an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.
Escape To Fantasy - Escape to Fantasy is sometimes practiced by people who present a facade to friends, partners and family members. Their true identity and feelings are commonly expressed privately in an alternate fantasy world.
False Accusations - False accusations, distortion campaigns & smear campaigns are patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticisms which occur when a personality disordered individual tries to feel better about themselves by putting down someone else - usually a family member, spouse, partner, friend or colleague.
Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a group of peers.
Frivolous Litigation and Frivolous Lawsuits - Frivolous Litigation and Frivolous Lawsuits are methods of withholding support, harassing or prolonging conflict by bringing unsubstantiated accusations, meritless appeals or diversionary process into a relationship or a former relationship using the court system as a proxy.
Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor, taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim, trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship gets "sucked back in" when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.
Hysteria - Hysteria is inappropriate over-reaction to bad news or disappointments, which diverts attention away from the problem and towards the person who is having the reaction.
Impulsiveness and Impulsivity - Impulsiveness - or Impulsivity - is the tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.
Infantilization - Infantilization is the practice of treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.
Munchausen's and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome (MBPS) - Munchausen's Syndrome is a disorder in which an individual repeatedly fakes or exaggerates their own illness or medical symptoms in order to manipulate the attentions of medical professionals or caregivers. Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome (MBPS) is a similar syndrome in which another individual, commonly a child, is substituted for the patient and made the focus of inappropriate medical attention.
Mood Swings - Mood swings are unpredictable, rapid, dramatic emotional cycles which cannot be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.
Name-Calling - Name-Calling is a form of Verbal Abuse which people sometimes indulge in when their emotional thought processes take control from their rational thought processes.
Panic Attacks - Panic Attacks are short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.
Projection - Projection is the act of attributing one's own feelings or traits onto another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.
Push-Pull - Push-Pull is a chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.
Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression - Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression are explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute. Rages threaten the security or safety of another individual and violate their personal boundaries.
Sabotage - Sabotage is the spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.
Self-Aggrandizement - Self-Aggrandizement is a pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.
Self-Harm - Self Harm, also known as self-mutilation, self-injury or self-abuse is any form of deliberate, premeditated injury inflicted on oneself, common among adolescents and among people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. Most common forms are cutting and poisoning/overdosing.
Self-Victimization - Self-Victimization or "playing the victim" is the act of casting oneself as a victim in order to control others by soliciting a sympathetic response from them or diverting their attention away from abusive behavior.
Targeted Humor, Mocking & Sarcasm - Targeted Humor is any sustained pattern of joking, sarcasm or mockery which is designed to reduce another individual's reputation in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.
Testing - Testing is the practice of repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to the relationship.
Threats - Threats are written or verbal warnings of intentional, inappropriate, destructive actions or consequences.
HPD Criteria
Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a Cluster B (dramatic, emotional, or erratic) Personality Disorder:
A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
Is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention
Interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior
Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions
Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self
Has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail
Shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion
Is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances
Considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.
What it feels like to live with someone with HPD
Understanding the clinical criteria for HPD is helpful, but learning how to cope with having a loved-one who suffers from HPD is quite different and is not covered in most psychological literature.
Living with a person who suffers from HPD can be an exhausting, humiliating, frustrating and isolating experience.
Trying to make your loved-one happy is like trying to empty the ocean with a leaky bucket. Your loved one’s personality disorder prevents them from seeing the destructiveness of their own behaviors and keeps them from seeing or understanding your own needs and limitations.
When you loved one creates chaos, it is often you who are the one who has to clean it up.
When your loved one acts out in front of other people, you may feel embarrassed or humiliated to be associated with them. You may feel as though others assume that you are guilty by association. You may begin to avoid public groups, settings and situations for fear that it will not go well.
When your loved one turns on you in anger, you may fear their next move. You may be afraid for your own safety or feel angry that they are not willing to just live and let live.
HPD Possible Causes
The causes of histrionic personality disorder are not well understood and there is some debate over to what degree HPD is caused is by "nature or nurture". It is common for HPD to be passed down through family generations. Parents who have histrionic tendencies are often turbulent and inconsistent in their parenting approach. This has led to some debate over whether HPD traits are passed on genetically or by environment.
HPD is more commonly diagnosed in women than in men by a factor of about 4 to 1 (See Statistics).
HPD shares a number of similarities to NPD, which is more commonly diagnosed in men. This has led to some theories that Histrionic Personality Disorder is just a feminine manifestation of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
People who suffer from HPD are often impulsive in nature, which tends to make them inconsistent when it comes to seeking and following up with therapy. They are prone to exaggerating their problems. They may seek out a therapist's help is dealing with a perceived crisis but will often drop away from the therapy program without following through on action items when their feelings change. This makes treatment of people with HPD especially difficult.
People with HPD are often diagnosed as having a depression when they exaggerate the negatives in their situation and may also be diagnosed as bipolar if the therapist observes them alternating between describing high or low emotional states.
It's common for people who suffer from Histrionic personality disorder to go through a repetitive series of failed relationships where a partner is initially idealized for their positive attributes, then devalued or "split black" after a disappointment occurs.
Movies Portraying Histrionic Personality Disorder Traits
A Streetcar Named Desire - A Streetcar Named Desire is a is a 1947 play written by Tennessee Williams, later adapted for film, which tells the story of a woman who displays histrionic and borderline traits, who goes to live with her codependent sister and her narcissistic husband.
Gone With The Wind - Gone With The Wind is a 1939 romantic epic starring Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable, set in the American Civil War portraying the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a southern woman who manifests symptoms of Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD).
If you suspect you may have a family member or loved-one who suffers from a personality disorder, we encourage you to learn all you can and surround yourself with support as you learn how to cope.
On Tuesday November 1, 2011, the Out of the FOG Website and Support Forum celebrates 4 years of providing information and support for those with a family member or loved-one who suffers from a personality disorder. Our site receives over 2 million hits per year and our support forum has received more than 68,000 posts from 2700 members. Thanks to all who support OOTF with your participation, time and gifts and help to make this unique community possible.
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