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| Do volunteer board positions attract the unstable? | |
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| Topic Started: Jun 5 2009, 09:05 AM (873 Views) | |
| Violetta | Jun 26 2009, 11:26 PM Post #16 |
Over 10 posts
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Short answer? Yes, they do. Reason? Volunteering means not having to go through any of the regular filtering processes associated with paid employment that might reveal instability - no CV, no interviews, no psychological testing (damn!  ), no nothing, really. Put on the caring and sharing act and, bob's your uncle, you're in. DH's ex does volunteering - uses up the time she might usefully put towards earning a living but, hey, that's beside the point. Good job I have a well developed sense of irony - as a sometimes physically violent narcissistic bully, one of her volunteering capers was at a local women's refuge.....  Lack of self-awareness, anyone?? Edited by Violetta, Jun 26 2009, 11:27 PM.
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| vince vega | Jun 30 2009, 05:07 PM Post #17 |
Over 10 posts
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IMHO......boards in general do not tend to attract the best sort of people.....volunteer or otherwise..... Vince |
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| Tournesol | Jul 31 2009, 08:45 AM Post #18 |
Over 100 posts
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ALL the BDs/PDs I encountered were either involved in volunteering or in the helping profession.... My father, a NPD, was on the board of the volunteer fire brigade in my home village... and had a proeminent position in civil rights and political organisations, etc... all very good if you don't know him... what an engaged and passionate man... however, if you DO know him, it becomes very clear that it was a very good way to stand in the spot light, being admired and build up a socially acceptable or even desirable facade (as hardly anyone knew what was going on at home... where nobody was watching). My mother is a milder form of Borderline (mainly the waif type)... and she chose to become a self-sacrificing nurse... ready to ruin her health by working overtime, in the worse conditions and with a minimum of financial recompensation...never daring to ask for anything or to stand-up when treated unfairly (call it the "helper syndrome"). The ex wife of my partner was dreaming of a human rights career - yes, your own private life is a mess but you think you are qualified to go out and "safe" the world.... that's exactly what the world needs, another messed-up in the head good-doer... falling short of her high ambitions (now that Fidel Castro has rejected her service offer!) she ended up in Social Services and I've heard she is doing really well there (what a surprise).... she is also the first to volunteer wherever she can (...BE in the spotlight and get attention). This is partly because she has 0 private life and as soon as anyone offers her a chance to be someone, she jumps on it.... The list is long and I could quote many other examples... so the answer to this question is a big YES. The PDs are driven by ambition and hunger for recognition, power, admiration, etc.... and as has been pointed out, getting on the board of a volunteer organisation is easy... you don't need to proove a lot, and the community of bunglers there are very happy to receive another alter ego that is not threatening them with REAL COMPETENCE (sorry for my sarcasm here, surely there are exceptions to this rule out there... but it is true in so many cases). I've read recently that the work place with the highest rate in mobbing and bullying were Public Services, closely followed by all the teaching environments. Surely there must be a reason for that.... |
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- " I try so hard to be gorgious, special and important... if only I were! I try so hard to be good... if only I could!" sobs the histrionic borderline. - "Why do I have to be so short" replies Napoleon and hands her a kleenex. And they both have a good cry together.... | |
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| Frog | Jul 31 2009, 01:22 PM Post #19 |
Over 100 posts
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I read that Octomom is studying to be some kind of therapist... 
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Il est dangereux d’avoir raison dans des choses où des hommes accrédités ont tort. [It is dangerous to be right in matters where the established authority is wrong.] -- François-Marie Arouet (Voltaire) ◘ about: Frog | |
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| Tournesol | Jul 31 2009, 04:14 PM Post #20 |
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Over 100 posts
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Frog... yes, the therapy scene is also a very sought after field by these people.... mainly the NPDs.... and mainly in psychoanalytical orientations...during my studies I met quite a lot of established psychoanalysts/therapists who fall into this category... not saying that they cannot be helpful as a therapist and they necessarily have to abuse their clients... still it is not very reassuring, isn't it..... 
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- " I try so hard to be gorgious, special and important... if only I were! I try so hard to be good... if only I could!" sobs the histrionic borderline. - "Why do I have to be so short" replies Napoleon and hands her a kleenex. And they both have a good cry together.... | |
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| misty4me | Aug 1 2009, 08:17 AM Post #21 |
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Over 10 posts
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The vast majority of therapist that I have met entered the profession to try and solve their own problems by solving the problems of others - never works. A select few that I know entered their own therapy either as a result of studying the profession or because they realized they needed to work on their own life first - these are the good therpaists - when looking for a therapist - rather than looking at their paper credentials - a good question to ask is "have you been in your own therapy - and if so for how long?" If they refuse to answer or if they have not been in therapy my advice is to keep looking. Would you ask someone to teach you how to drive a car that has never driven a car???? m4m |
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| Tournesol | Aug 3 2009, 04:05 AM Post #22 |
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Over 100 posts
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Mistyme, totally agree with you re certain therapy forms.... a lot of them do not require the therapist to go through therapy themselves. However, psychoanalysts have to proof that they have done a certain amount of "training analysis" hours, otherwise they are not admitted to the profession.... so they have been "through" it, but you can go along with the process on a superficial level and never really engage with your own weak or dark spots.... having been through it all is not necessarily a guarantee that you have sorted yourself out.... 
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- " I try so hard to be gorgious, special and important... if only I were! I try so hard to be good... if only I could!" sobs the histrionic borderline. - "Why do I have to be so short" replies Napoleon and hands her a kleenex. And they both have a good cry together.... | |
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| misty4me | Aug 3 2009, 07:34 AM Post #23 |
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Over 10 posts
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Tournesol - I agree - but asking is a good place to start in the therapeutic process. A "training analysis" supervised by a good analyst will often find their weak/dark spots revealed (even as the attempt to hide them)- and the uncovering of these spots is what allows the training analyst to hopefully become a well trained analyst. Sorting ones self out (in my opinion) is a life long process - none of us get through life in perfect order - and we daily face our own issues - just when we think we have reached the mountain top - we find there is a whole new mountain to climb -but I digress from the original point of this thread - but will say that for someone who practices therapy this daily, life long look at their issues is (again, in my opinion) necessary to the ethical practice of therapy. m4m |
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| Deb | Aug 4 2009, 06:48 PM Post #24 |
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Over 10 posts
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My sister a dBPD, has volounteered for the Batter woman's shelter. Well, she would know, being she's a batterer, right? Who better...OH, you mean it's for people who ARE battered? WHO KNEW! SHe has also volounteered for the civil rights board. She who tells racist jokes. And she volounteers for her church. Not going to comment here.;) SO is anyone surprised that she has a BA in psychology? |
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| Tournesol | Aug 5 2009, 07:36 AM Post #25 |
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Over 100 posts
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DEB, I always suspected that these people go into the helping profession b/c there they can see people who are even more fucked up than they are... that makes them feel better. And by "helping" them, they feel they have some sort of control about their own situation. It's like with making babies... you are a dysfunctional person, just make as many children you can, so you'll have someone weaker than you that totally depends on you... and unconditonally loves you... makes you feel good for a while, the feelings never last, but hey, it's like a good bar of chocolate from time to time... God help all these who are being helped by a PD....
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- " I try so hard to be gorgious, special and important... if only I were! I try so hard to be good... if only I could!" sobs the histrionic borderline. - "Why do I have to be so short" replies Napoleon and hands her a kleenex. And they both have a good cry together.... | |
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11:24 AM Sep 9
