Fear

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Fear
Topic Started: Feb 6 2010, 05:38 AM (216 Views)
Wornout	Feb 6 2010, 05:38 AM Post #1
Over 100 posts Posts: 742 Group: Senior Member Member #4,923 Joined: April 11, 2009	Hi all, I've been struggling with wanting to leave my employer for about 3 years now. I moved, and I hate the drive. I want to ride my bike to work again. I've also been frustrated over the bureacracy in the positions I've held, as well as the constant feeling that I'm going to be written up or fired over things that are beyond my control. Currently, I've been getting phobic about even seeing my boss. I don't mesh well with her management style, which is to micromanage and seek out error at random. I've been slinking around, putting my head down, and trying to avoid her for a few months. Yesterday, I came home with an anxiety attack because someone told me she was asking where I was when I signed out for lunch. I have a right to go somewhere for lunch. Yet, I worried that I had somehow violated some procedure or that she was gong to devise yet another procedure that would make my actions wrong. The field I am in (education) is undergoing major budget cuts. I'm scared to seek another job for fear of unexpected layoff. At the same time, the legislature in my state has enacted laws that reduce my job security to "zero" anyway. I want to jump, but I'm scared. I will also miss my old colleagues. I have been working for the same employer for over a decade. I've just been paralyzed by fear for a while. I'm afraid of not being able to support myself. I'm afraid of losing my house and being homeless and hungry. I keep feeling like if I rode my bike to work, everything would be OK. I went through a cycle like this many years ago, and it all calmed down when I could just pedal. The release that came with sweating it out on the way home from work allowed me to be much more philosophical about things. When I drive, I just come home anxious and tired, not wanting to work out at all. I almost feel like I would be happy working at Walmart, as long as I could pedal there and back. Then I wonder if it's really true. What if I end up pedaling to a really bad place, and hate it even more? I don't want advice on what to do with the job thing. I want ideas on how to deal with fear. I know I need to jump, but the cliff feels so high right now. I'm frozen. Edited by Wornout, Feb 6 2010, 05:44 AM.
	Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.


Klarity Belle	Feb 6 2010, 06:32 AM Post #2
Klarity Belle Posts: 929 Group: Moderator Member #3,151 Joined: December 2, 2008	Sorry to hear you are going through this stress right now Wornout. Your boss sounds difficult, like she has you on eggshells. I know what you mean though about the exercise thing (for me it is cliff or beach walking or some form our outdoor activity) - I am the same that way, it totally calms my spirit and I can then see and handle a stress situation so differently. You have inspired me to get out of my current slump and into my walking shoes again! I hope you can find a solution to get pedalling again - is there any way you could set a discipline to go cycling for 30 mins as soon as you get home? It might mean shifting around your daily routines a bit or getting support from a friend. Maybe after a week or two of doing that you might feel differently. Just a suggestion - and one I need to take up myself re walking!! Hope things brighten for you soon
	http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4 "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran "That which we do not confront in ourselves we will meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung


gary	Feb 6 2010, 09:41 AM Post #3
Over 1000 posts Posts: 3,341 Group: Admin Member #5 Joined: October 12, 2007	I don't really have any advice on what exactly you could do but just to say I understand. I know when I was a cop that the 20 minute drive home was about enough time to settle back down. Also you know how much I am into photography. Been doing it full time for around 27 years. About 10 years ago I went through a very strange thing somewhat like you are now. I had been so deep into photography that I had become photography. Lived it breathed it and it was my whole being. I was at the start of my recovery from my BP experience and I for some reason asked myself, "Who is Gary without the camera ?" My nephew had a floor covering business and I laid down my camera and went to work for him for 5 years hardly ever even looking at my camera. I didn't tell hardly anyone what I really had been doing for a living. Just put on my bluejeans every day and went and laid carpet. I guess I needed to see if I would be accepted as just Gary some guy in jeans with carpet glue on his shoes and not Gary the guy who goes all over the world on photo assignments. About the end of that 5 year sabbatical I got a phone call to do an assignment in South Africa ( I had told my client in Geneva that I was done 5 years ago). I told them no and then something hit me and I called them back and said," Yes I was available, " I was back in the saddle again but knowing that I'm ok either way...with or without the camera. But the fear didn't 100% go away. A whole lot did. But like today. I'm taking my 6 year old to the Monster truck show at the civic center and the closer it gets to the time I have this little twitch if I will be good enough to do this P.S. If you have any "perfectionism" in you..try and get rid of it. It's only a curse. Edited by gary, Feb 6 2010, 09:47 AM.
	My Book: "That Soul Belongs To Me" My Web Site: Gary Walters Photography My Blog: http://gawalters.com/blog/ " I started out with nothing and have most of it left "


Saraa	Feb 6 2010, 10:48 AM Post #4
Over 100 posts Posts: 775 Group: Senior Member Member #5,034 Joined: July 14, 2009	Quote: I want ideas on how to deal with fear. I know I need to jump, but the cliff feels so high right now. I'm frozen It might help to think about what your worst fear is. When you really think about it, it may seem trivial or not really fearful at all. If you took a job a Walmart or something similar and you decided you hated it, so what? You can always find a job that pays a salary that will likely cover your living expenses. Also, sometimes we need to let go of the status quo and allow a little chaos in our lives in order to propel us forward. I quit a job once because the company owner's son kept covertly harassing me for a date, and making my work life difficult when I refused. I was unemployed for about six weeks but then I found a better job that involved travel and eventually that job led to another that involved higher pay. Quitting the job that was making me miserable opened up doors to opportunities that would have otherwise passed me by. Just something to think about. Edited by Saraa, Feb 6 2010, 10:48 AM.



Wornout	Feb 6 2010, 07:38 PM Post #5
Over 100 posts Posts: 742 Group: Senior Member Member #4,923 Joined: April 11, 2009	I couldn't actually support myself on Walmart wages. Well, not unless I want to lose my house. In fact, there are quite a few jobs I could get that wouldn't cover my living expenses. That's the real fear--that I'll end up in a job that I hate AND I won't be able to make living expenses. It's why I've been holding onto what I've got. At least I can pay the bills with this one.
	Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.


Saraa	Feb 9 2010, 10:33 AM Post #6
Over 100 posts Posts: 775 Group: Senior Member Member #5,034 Joined: July 14, 2009	Wornout Feb 6 2010, 07:38 PM I couldn't actually support myself on Walmart wages. Well, not unless I want to lose my house. In fact, there are quite a few jobs I could get that wouldn't cover my living expenses. That's the real fear--that I'll end up in a job that I hate AND I won't be able to make living expenses. It's why I've been holding onto what I've got. At least I can pay the bills with this one. A recruiter once told me that the best time to look for a job, is when you already have a job. Having a job while looking for another allows you to remain selective and in control about the next job you choose. Having a job, while looking for a job puts you in a position of power rather than desperation. It also takes away they fear of rejection. Why not dust of your resume and start looking for a job, now? You don't have to let anyone know that you are looking. I used to use personal days, while I was going on job interviews. Also, that same recruiter told me that in his experience, his clients who were interviewing job candidates, almost ALWAYS hired someone who was presently employed. IMO, that's because a person who still has a job, when looking for a job, appears to be more choosy. It seems that employers always want employees they think they can NOT easily have. Edited by Saraa, Feb 9 2010, 10:41 AM.



Dancer	Feb 9 2010, 04:13 PM Post #7
Over 10 posts Posts: 44 Group: Active Member Member #5,330 Joined: February 4, 2010	How to deal with fear? That�s a hard one and there�s a different solution for everyone. When I get fearful of the future and I�m thinking what if� What if I were to lose everything. Then I think of people who have lost everything and how after the initial shock has passed and they are back on safe ground, some even say that it was the best thing that ever happened to them. It gave them a whole new perspective on life. Sometimes we just gather too much around us and then the thought of making any changes and perhaps losing what we worked so hard for can be very frightening in dead. But when our health and our well being is at stake, it�s time to think about what really matters to us in this world.



Wornout	Feb 9 2010, 07:09 PM Post #8
Over 100 posts Posts: 742 Group: Senior Member Member #4,923 Joined: April 11, 2009	Dancer Feb 9 2010, 04:13 PM How to deal with fear? That�s a hard one and there�s a different solution for everyone. When I get fearful of the future and I�m thinking what if� What if I were to lose everything. Then I think of people who have lost everything and how after the initial shock has passed and they are back on safe ground, some even say that it was the best thing that ever happened to them. It gave them a whole new perspective on life. Sometimes we just gather too much around us and then the thought of making any changes and perhaps losing what we worked so hard for can be very frightening in dead. But when our health and our well being is at stake, it�s time to think about what really matters to us in this world. These are very good points. I have had the experience of "losing everything" once before, and it was quite traumatic. I think I would cope better if it happend again, but I really, really don't want to go through the re-building process. Funny how just looking at it that way does make me feel a little bit more in control. As far as the health and well-being, that's what I keep thinking. I keep having the "if I died tomorrow, what would I wish I were doing today?" thought. I know that I'd wish to have my simple life, live close to work, pedal every day, work for a boss that I like, and feel like I make a difference each day at work. I know that not satisfying those needs will ultimately affect my health and well-being. ...At the same time, my frenzied search for the "ideal" is part of what resulted in me losing everything the last time. (sigh)
	Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.


Grateful1	Feb 10 2010, 09:59 AM Post #9
Over 100 posts Posts: 309 Group: Senior Member Member #5,163 Joined: November 1, 2009	HI Wornout, I am going to post about some recent developments in my job that sound somewhat similar, although not as intense. My situation is complicated by the fact that my boss is also a good friend. For me, my situation is definitely giving me ample opportunity to work on those boundaries and what I'm letting in and out. As my therapist has been teaching me, I have to ask myself when I feel some of that anxiety, "Who owns this?" If it's my boss/friend, I am working very hard to let her own it and to get it out of my head. There's some push-pull (her words) right now, and some of it may well be my style but I also know some of it is her need to control. SO, I am working on her owning her stuff and me not reacting to it/letting it in and impacting my thinking and feeling. Hang in there! I'm in education field too and it is ROUGH out there!
	Wherever you go, there you are.


mathcorechick	Feb 10 2010, 11:34 AM Post #10
Over 100 posts Posts: 186 Group: Senior Member Member #4,938 Joined: April 16, 2009	i left what was a perfect teaching job on paper -good pay/ benefits to go make car seats because the reality of the way the school i was in was run was morally repugnant to me and went against everything i believed in. when i went back to teaching again, the situation was not as financially ideal (my school closed and the one i am teaching in now is always like 5 minutes from closing as well) but i have been happier because i found someplace where i could see change happening. i know that fear of leaving the teaching job well. i think what a lot of people dont get about education is that it is career suicide to leave a position mid-year, regardless of the reason. furthermore, the field is over-saturated right now so many qualified applicants are all vying for the same job. these are some of the same reasons i have stayed at my current school even though financially i could do way better teaching public school again. i keep telling myself it's a good job even though it doesnt pay well because in my state right now any job is a good job and to just ride out the stuff about it that has been annoying me (being overworked/ understaffed has taken a toll on our staff as a whole). can you teach college or do consulting on the side to give you a financial cushion to get you to the point where you can move on to a more favorable situation?
	mathletes do mathletics!


Wornout	Feb 10 2010, 10:55 PM Post #11
Over 100 posts Posts: 742 Group: Senior Member Member #4,923 Joined: April 11, 2009	mathcorechick Feb 10 2010, 11:34 AM can you teach college or do consulting on the side to give you a financial cushion to get you to the point where you can move on to a more favorable situation? Hopefully, this master's degree I'm about to get will help with that. Right now, my cushion is rommate's rent.
	Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.


Grateful1	Feb 11 2010, 07:54 PM Post #12
Over 100 posts Posts: 309 Group: Senior Member Member #5,163 Joined: November 1, 2009	Hey Wornout, I teach part time at OU in Michigan. There are lots of things going on at the community college level as well, depending on your area of expertise:)
	Wherever you go, there you are.

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